Coming Out Stories: Jeff Lewy

Coming out stories with a twist: Jeff Lewy explains that coming of the closet is a lifelong process - so is giving money and time to your community.

Nowadays, I find myself telling people stories about what it was like to be gay "when I was growing up." I first began to come out of the closet in 1960, at the age of 18. I suppose telling stories is a natural tendency as we get older - partly a way to explain why I look at things differently than younger people do, and partly a way to pass on "how it was" back then, in times that seem unimaginable or incomprehensible to younger friends.

COMING OUT STORIES AND OTHER STORIES TO SHARE

I share my stories to show how different it was, and yet how much it is still the same for every LGBT kid growing up.

The 60s and 70s were a very different time. There was no way risk-free way to meet other gay people, there was no concept of gay lifestyles, and there was enormous pressure to conform to heterosexual norms. I did not feel able to share my feelings with anyone. I hid them, knowing they were not acceptable to others and could only lead to explicit (and implicit) penalties if anyone found out how I truly felt. And like so many others at the time, I wondered if I was the only one with these feelings.

There were no mentors, no role models, and no guidance from the community at large about how to be a happy, productive adult without disowning my fundamental identity. What few depictions of gay people existed were negative or inappropriate. But I didn't feel "doomed" by my attraction to men, and I knew I didn't want to be a hairdresser.

THE SEXUAL REVOLUTION

I feel lucky to have come of age as the sexual revolution unfolded during the 60s, so we could create our lives and our culture as we went along, as did the women's movement at the same time and for the same reasons. Only later did I come to understand the unique circumstance of the LGBT community - that LGBT people are members of the only tribe that isn't born into its culture, so that each of us has to find others of the tribe as we grow up. And as the first generation to create a public tribe, we had to develop the culture as we went along.

Now, fifty years later, I am thrilled by the progress that has been made by LGBT people, and challenged to continue that progress until being gay becomes a mark of cultural identity accepted by all. To do my part in meeting that challenge, I became active in LGBT philanthropy action. And in the last few years I have become more engaged in LGBT political activity.

As expressed by Kelly Quirke, leader of a San Francisco nonprofit,

"True identity is a political act. To choose without prompting from any legal, family, or religious impetus to belong to a group with a stated mission is a deep and personal statement. It says: I agree with your aims and stated intentions, and I support how you achieve your goals. Members of a voluntarily-congregated group [like the LGBT community] are in effect saying: we are on common ground."

PHILANTHROPY ACTION

Because I have the capacity to help, I feel I have a responsibility to be involved, to act.

To me, the first and most important step in helping to secure our rights is coming out of the closet. Neighbors, friends, co-workers and strangers all learn that their stereotypes are wrong when they know they are talking to and interacting with "real" LGBT people.

And coming out of the closet is a life-long process. Every time I meet someone new, expand a relationship with an acquaintance to let them know I am gay, go somewhere I haven't been before, I have the opportunity (or as I see it, the obligation) to come out anew.

COMING OUT OF THE CLOSET AS A POLITICAL ACT

I see this continuous coming out of the closet as a political act - part of my personal effort to influence others and get out the vote.

Giving money and time to political causes and candidates is the same process. It requires the same conscious effort of will to move out of my current comfort zone. And just like coming out of the closet, there are plenty of excuses to avoid doing it. "I don't have enough money to make a difference." "They don't need me." "I don't know how to do it." "I don't know who to support."

I urge you to recognize that you, too, are somewhere in this process and can increase your knowledge and involvement. Start at just the edge of your comfort zone and expand it. Some ways: Start local, where small amounts of money make a big difference, and where you can learn about which candidates support issues you care about - safe schools, bullying, health care, elders, family services, and so on. Go to politically-oriented house parties, to meet candidates and hear what they say. Ask people you know and trust what they are doing, so you can learn enough to make your own decisions.

You will quickly find that you are competent to make political decisions, and may even come to enjoy it! Then invest your time and donations in ways that support your beliefs. And talk to your friends and associates, gay and straight. You will continue your (and their) political education and your political coming out of the closet by bringing others into the process.

AN INVESTMENT IN YOUR FUTURE

Consider the time and donations an investment in your future. You would spend time and money to learn a hobby - and politics can become a life-long hobby (even if you don't choose to do it full time).

It is clear to me that the elders of our community are my parents, and the youth of our community are my children. I want to do all I can to see that they have the financial, social, legal and political backing to be full, happy, productive members of society.

You will learn from others on this list other reasons why it is important for all of us as LGBT people to be involved, and many ways you can be involved. I encourage you to join us and be part of creating a better future.